Can someone sing this to me?
In a round?
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
blahgah
Hello people (who seem to find me interesting).
So, today I went back to my placement. My AT is away until tomorrow however because his dad passed away- so my condolences to him and his family. However, that made today a waste of my life. Firstly, the kids did nothing important. Movies in both classes, the one class I didn't even both going to because it was just the credit recovery and its not like those kids give a damn. They are good kids deep down inside they just make life difficult and I didn't want to be there when they started swearing at the on-call teachers. And the other on-calls told me I didn't need to be there... so today was useless. On another note.. I got some sleep. And Mr. Tall (he is really tall and his name isn't that but that's my nickname for him) is the Vice Principle and a little intimidating but basically he thinks I am kick ass now. He and I were talking about the school and what not. So he knows my name well now I think! I HOPE!
But day was kinda a wash. Got nothing out of today. tomorrow I am going to be observing again, so I am getting nothing out of my placement, again!
It is ok, things will get better, whenever my AT allows me to teach something :S
Anyways, I had been getting free internet at school until now- not impressed have to fork up 28$ gah. not too bad though is it?
Anyways, I kinda miss being at my own place instead of my parents - cause I like having my own space.
oh well - oh and because my parents didn't have internet for a while :(
anyways I want to nap- I am tired. Deal with it.
peace
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Home Time
So I will finally be heading home.
After the last few weeks of school I finally get to go home on placement. And I can't wait.
But I am exhausted so I am off to sleep.
ps. More big bang theory in my life
After the last few weeks of school I finally get to go home on placement. And I can't wait.
But I am exhausted so I am off to sleep.
ps. More big bang theory in my life
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
What is up
SO
I am pretty much back to being quirky... meditation does that to me.
Its my own therapy. something i do for me.
I'm still being a bad student though. that is okay- I love being a bad student. I have been a good student now for so long... I AM SICK OF IT!
But, to the important part of my day.. totally watching big bang theory; again. On season 2 already and so happy.
I forgot how much I love sheldon cooper. and how much I LOVE LOVE LENARD! I want my own Lenard... but I want to change his last name to something better. Its not that he is cute- I just think he would be a great guy to be in a relationship with. It is not that he is needy- it is that he is grateful and appreciative and respectful.
And I love him. lol
he makes me think of my boy toy a lot. but lets not talk about him.
I am pretty much back to being quirky... meditation does that to me.
Its my own therapy. something i do for me.
I'm still being a bad student though. that is okay- I love being a bad student. I have been a good student now for so long... I AM SICK OF IT!
But, to the important part of my day.. totally watching big bang theory; again. On season 2 already and so happy.
I forgot how much I love sheldon cooper. and how much I LOVE LOVE LENARD! I want my own Lenard... but I want to change his last name to something better. Its not that he is cute- I just think he would be a great guy to be in a relationship with. It is not that he is needy- it is that he is grateful and appreciative and respectful.
And I love him. lol
he makes me think of my boy toy a lot. but lets not talk about him.
Lenard Hofstadter
(actor: Johnny Galecki)
And Penny is so cute. I have heard a lot of complaints about how the girl is the dumb one- but think of the string of dumb men she brings in- there is by far more dumb men on the show then women (yay!)
I also like Amy. Shes so quirky. Love it. I love her drunk too... and her a-sexuality especially when you think about it she has put more moves on penny then she has on sheldon! LOVE IT!
Maybe I am overanalyzing it. but that is ok.
How many times have I watched this series? I dont know 5, 6, 7? ok probably in the double digits. Probably have a problem. but that is totally ok.
So anyways...
OH OH! I was wondering- why is anyone reading my blog? Curious. Cause I am mostly writing for my need to hear myself and my amazingness. Cause I am awesome.
Oh today in my religion teachable I did a prayer on being called to inclusivity in the classroom. And I talked about one of ways to stop bullying after it has started is to make sure the students don't sit together. My wonderful colleague pointed out that means they aren't dealing with the situation. Well, I said, its my job to protect my students. I HAVE ZERO TOLERANCE. She just couldn't see why separating them would be beneficial. If I had to sit beside my bully every day I would leave. I was going to include a story of me as a kid here- but I can't cause it is totally upsetting me and I am not supposed to look back too much.
So screw any of you who think enabling is ok. IT IS NOT. THEY ARE CHILDREN! CHILDREN!!!! OUR JOB IS TO PROTECT THEM! PROTECTION is the key to education. If a child is not safe then you are not being a teacher. Ok that is my rant. I was pretty upset if you can't tell. It is a huge pet peeve of mine to think that a teacher would do nothing in the eyes of a bully. To say you will put them together and just say get along is disgusting. SICKENING. And i feel really bad for her future students. and I hope one day someone tells her THIS IS NOT OK. and I mean, besides me.
Done my rant. More Big Bang Theory? HELLS YES!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
gettin' er done!
Today is accomplishment... I handed in my philosophy of education... my unit plan...and almost completed my critique for history...
yay
and I have decided teachers college is not a professional program
I'm exhausted... running on lack of sleep
so goodnight
yay
and I have decided teachers college is not a professional program
I'm exhausted... running on lack of sleep
so goodnight
Monday, November 21, 2011
Worst Student Award
So, my unit plan is a sham. Its not done. Needs 5 more lessons (terrible me I know). And I just don't want to do them. Unfortunately, I have to.
My philosophy of education.. smiling at me... not even started. Knowing, haha no sleep for you.
So that is what is going on.
Homework.
So today I give myself the award titled: Worst Student Award
Just because I think homework should go do itself.
Yay?
SO
I am blogging so I don't do homework.
Why don't deadlines phase me anymore? Is it because of all the second chances they give us? Yes, Yes it is.
I don't feel like this is a professional program because NO ONE treats it like it is.
Unprofessional, teachers college.
My philosophy of education.. smiling at me... not even started. Knowing, haha no sleep for you.
So that is what is going on.
Homework.
So today I give myself the award titled: Worst Student Award
Just because I think homework should go do itself.
Yay?
SO
I am blogging so I don't do homework.
Why don't deadlines phase me anymore? Is it because of all the second chances they give us? Yes, Yes it is.
I don't feel like this is a professional program because NO ONE treats it like it is.
Unprofessional, teachers college.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
gummy worms
Today I ate gummy worms and almost a whole container of them... now my tummy hurts...
Gosh, I wish I was kidding about that. I did most of my christmas shopping when I returned to North Bay, and I got myself a container of gummy worms... I have some left- not many... and I might be having a heart attach/stomach ulcer from them. Delicious and worth every calorie- but my body is already paying for it.
And I am still be unproductive in terms of my school work. I need to do 10 lessons tomorrow and my philosophy of education. I am so screwed.
More gummy worms?
I am exhausted however, and just wanted to post to say I posted!
Gosh, I wish I was kidding about that. I did most of my christmas shopping when I returned to North Bay, and I got myself a container of gummy worms... I have some left- not many... and I might be having a heart attach/stomach ulcer from them. Delicious and worth every calorie- but my body is already paying for it.
And I am still be unproductive in terms of my school work. I need to do 10 lessons tomorrow and my philosophy of education. I am so screwed.
More gummy worms?
I am exhausted however, and just wanted to post to say I posted!
delicious (looks just like them too!)
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Questions.
SO, it took me a little bit of encouragement to post. I thought about giving up. I just didn't want to post from my mind state. What if I write something that someone takes the wrong way? Well Don't.
Remember that last post- crazy, happy, almost bubbly me? Well that me, is gone back to hibernation. Why? Read on...
There was an incident yesterday- that I can't believe happened. I'm not going to describe what happened- because every time I talk about what happened- I sound ridiculous. Every time I talk about it- I end up crying because it leads to everything that is happened this year and then I go back about 7 years in my mental health. And then I feel ridiculous. I have come a long way to let some "douche" among others do this to me. Should I let him? No. Do I let him? Yes. Why is it that I do this to myself when I am supposed to be "better"? Why I am so embarrassed? Why Do I still feel like I am the one who is wrong for being hurt? Why is it the bully isn't embarrassed? Why am I embarrassed....
And I am embarrassed about what happened in front of 40 peers yesterday- I am embarrassed for my reaction in front of a group of people- I am embarrassed that even after years of discussing that I need to stand up for myself I still can't. It is ironic- bullying is one of my target focuses as a teacher- I have a zero tolerance policy in my classroom (At the church and on placement) and I made it clear that if you make anyone uncomfortable you will be sent to the office immediately. Why do I have zero tolerance for other people and absorb everything said to me?
Unfortunately, as a student- I still can't stand up for my self. I still can't say no this is not ok. All I can do is- think. And my thoughts scare me.
Today- I thought, a few things. Is there a bulls eye still on my head? Will I always be the person who is humiliated. Will I never learn to stand up and protect myself. Will I ever be able to tell someone No, I am not okay with you doing this to me? Will I be a bad teacher because I can't protect myself? You have seen a lot of the questions going through my head already- this is just a sample of my day. Its been a roller coaster.
I have this terrible impulse. It is to protect others. (I am making myself sound like a saint). But it is really harmful for my self. I think about others first. I think about how I want others to feel good and how I would do things to protect others. Once I realize someone needs me or someone needs help I am there for them. (for the most part- I am not perfect). But it becomes a fault really quickly- because I end up in situations like today- where there is nothing left for me.
I am really quick to beat myself up. Really quick. And thats from years of others doing it for me- and now I don't even need a bully. I just need a couple of comments.
And there is a lot of other issues with today. I actually have stood up for this guy before. I liked him. We went on hike with another girl I like. We normally have no problems. Today- he made me sick. Today he made me hate myself again.
Why do I bother to be social?
Why am I so quick to dislike me instead of someone else?
And my biggest concern with all of this- again is not me.. is...
How is this person going to be a teacher? How is he going to be around children?
If he has one student like me he will destroy them. I had a teacher like that- thats why I say it. Yes, I was the unfortunate kid in school to be bullied by 15 other students and a teacher... makes growing up so easy doesn't it?
Well, I hope he realizes being an engineer isn't like being a teacher. He is smart and I would never say otherwise- the problem is he hides behind a mask of intelligence because he is kind of like a really MEAN sheldon cooper- no social skills. Which would be fine if being a teacher didn't require being able to talk to people without ruining their egos.
One of my biggest thoughts of the day is...
Why do you have to be so mean?
Why I might not end up like taylor swift - I will still end up being a superhero to my students because I will never be... mean.
Remember that last post- crazy, happy, almost bubbly me? Well that me, is gone back to hibernation. Why? Read on...
There was an incident yesterday- that I can't believe happened. I'm not going to describe what happened- because every time I talk about what happened- I sound ridiculous. Every time I talk about it- I end up crying because it leads to everything that is happened this year and then I go back about 7 years in my mental health. And then I feel ridiculous. I have come a long way to let some "douche" among others do this to me. Should I let him? No. Do I let him? Yes. Why is it that I do this to myself when I am supposed to be "better"? Why I am so embarrassed? Why Do I still feel like I am the one who is wrong for being hurt? Why is it the bully isn't embarrassed? Why am I embarrassed....
And I am embarrassed about what happened in front of 40 peers yesterday- I am embarrassed for my reaction in front of a group of people- I am embarrassed that even after years of discussing that I need to stand up for myself I still can't. It is ironic- bullying is one of my target focuses as a teacher- I have a zero tolerance policy in my classroom (At the church and on placement) and I made it clear that if you make anyone uncomfortable you will be sent to the office immediately. Why do I have zero tolerance for other people and absorb everything said to me?
Unfortunately, as a student- I still can't stand up for my self. I still can't say no this is not ok. All I can do is- think. And my thoughts scare me.
Today- I thought, a few things. Is there a bulls eye still on my head? Will I always be the person who is humiliated. Will I never learn to stand up and protect myself. Will I ever be able to tell someone No, I am not okay with you doing this to me? Will I be a bad teacher because I can't protect myself? You have seen a lot of the questions going through my head already- this is just a sample of my day. Its been a roller coaster.
I have this terrible impulse. It is to protect others. (I am making myself sound like a saint). But it is really harmful for my self. I think about others first. I think about how I want others to feel good and how I would do things to protect others. Once I realize someone needs me or someone needs help I am there for them. (for the most part- I am not perfect). But it becomes a fault really quickly- because I end up in situations like today- where there is nothing left for me.
I am really quick to beat myself up. Really quick. And thats from years of others doing it for me- and now I don't even need a bully. I just need a couple of comments.
And there is a lot of other issues with today. I actually have stood up for this guy before. I liked him. We went on hike with another girl I like. We normally have no problems. Today- he made me sick. Today he made me hate myself again.
Why do I bother to be social?
Why am I so quick to dislike me instead of someone else?
And my biggest concern with all of this- again is not me.. is...
How is this person going to be a teacher? How is he going to be around children?
If he has one student like me he will destroy them. I had a teacher like that- thats why I say it. Yes, I was the unfortunate kid in school to be bullied by 15 other students and a teacher... makes growing up so easy doesn't it?
Well, I hope he realizes being an engineer isn't like being a teacher. He is smart and I would never say otherwise- the problem is he hides behind a mask of intelligence because he is kind of like a really MEAN sheldon cooper- no social skills. Which would be fine if being a teacher didn't require being able to talk to people without ruining their egos.
One of my biggest thoughts of the day is...
Why do you have to be so mean?
Why I might not end up like taylor swift - I will still end up being a superhero to my students because I will never be... mean.
Friday, November 18, 2011
dirty looking
well isn't it another day
I did not go to my first class of the day. I wasn't feeling good and was kinda dirty look-ing, and I was tired and that is just the way it is. Things were not good. Went to my preservice religion course... and i... enjoyed it.
I'm trying to not stick my head out anymore.. but I gave someone a big smile today who didn't appreciate it so it made me smile more.
I felt kinda gross after my day- dare I say dirty look-ing and- and so I took another shower. uhhhh showers. I do my best thinking in the shower. scrubbing my hair- and thinking. and smelling good. ummmm delicious grapefruit smell!
Ok so I am kinda going bonkers but it is good- i see my bub tomorrow.. bub :) hehe
blah
so sick of the leafs loosing. want reimer back- give me reimer back!
ok, KINDA talking like a neanderthal! and loving it
Not much exciting going on- some basic type type type blah blah blah
and I FINALLY caught up on my DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES... Now who is dirty looking?
I did not go to my first class of the day. I wasn't feeling good and was kinda dirty look-ing, and I was tired and that is just the way it is. Things were not good. Went to my preservice religion course... and i... enjoyed it.
I'm trying to not stick my head out anymore.. but I gave someone a big smile today who didn't appreciate it so it made me smile more.
I felt kinda gross after my day- dare I say dirty look-ing and- and so I took another shower. uhhhh showers. I do my best thinking in the shower. scrubbing my hair- and thinking. and smelling good. ummmm delicious grapefruit smell!
Ok so I am kinda going bonkers but it is good- i see my bub tomorrow.. bub :) hehe
blah
so sick of the leafs loosing. want reimer back- give me reimer back!
ok, KINDA talking like a neanderthal! and loving it
Not much exciting going on- some basic type type type blah blah blah
and I FINALLY caught up on my DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES... Now who is dirty looking?
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
TV!!!
So failed again, with blogging- but guess what bahahah
Instead, I spent last night watching charmed on the couch with my room-mate. so much better then writing!
Maybe aiming everyday to blog is a little overwhelming everyday- but I am not giving up.
And why is my post called tv? well because I have had to watch tv off a laptop; and I need tv, just to watch movies and stuff but I need TV!!!
And this awesome guy in my section gave me his tv; and a hug. Made me so happy!!!
Hugs and tv? sounds kick ass!
Now, I am hearing about how extra-ordinary Martin Luther is- and all I can think is that as much as he did; he is an anti-Semitic, and against gender-roles!
So.. anti-Semitic guy is awesome? anti-women roles is awesome?
Basically we are saying we should support the guy who would hold society back in social justice? GREAT!!!
And, history people are so oblivious to world religions, they don't have a clue. They don't realize the contributions to faith- they say this is what they did and don't analyze it beyond that point.
They think they can hid behind their big words- I might not use big words but I have a much stronger understanding of religious ideas and religious people. but WHATEVER!
anyways going to pay attention- might write again.
I am amazing.. :)
TV TONIGHT!! YAY!
Instead, I spent last night watching charmed on the couch with my room-mate. so much better then writing!
Maybe aiming everyday to blog is a little overwhelming everyday- but I am not giving up.
And why is my post called tv? well because I have had to watch tv off a laptop; and I need tv, just to watch movies and stuff but I need TV!!!
And this awesome guy in my section gave me his tv; and a hug. Made me so happy!!!
Hugs and tv? sounds kick ass!
Now, I am hearing about how extra-ordinary Martin Luther is- and all I can think is that as much as he did; he is an anti-Semitic, and against gender-roles!
So.. anti-Semitic guy is awesome? anti-women roles is awesome?
Basically we are saying we should support the guy who would hold society back in social justice? GREAT!!!
And, history people are so oblivious to world religions, they don't have a clue. They don't realize the contributions to faith- they say this is what they did and don't analyze it beyond that point.
They think they can hid behind their big words- I might not use big words but I have a much stronger understanding of religious ideas and religious people. but WHATEVER!
anyways going to pay attention- might write again.
I am amazing.. :)
TV TONIGHT!! YAY!
Monday, November 14, 2011
zzzz's and procrastination
It has been a couple of days- I haven't posted because well I have been lazy.. I have procrastinated from everything this weekend. I did my Creativity workshop which was great... but besides that lots of ZZZZ's. And I Can't wait to go home and zzzzz again. In fact as I sit in my current class I type this because I REALLY don't want to fall asleep in class. oh ps. down -0.5 from last time (probably because I sleep so much lol!)
Trying to get stress levels down again.
oh I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SHARE...
this month is pancreatic cancer month... yes it is also prostate cancer month... but pancreatic cancer is a killer- most people don't survive it- not trying to be terrible and take the steam away from prostate but pancreatic cancer is a killer. I lost both grandmothers to it and my boyfriends mother passed away from it too. It is a killer. Even if your family hasn't been directly effected by it think of Steve Jobs, think of Patrick Swayze... they have passed away after fighting pancreatic cancer.
So On NOVEMBER 20th wear purple for pancreatic cancer awareness. ITS PURPLE MONTH. Grow your moustaches and Wear purple this month support both cancer groups.
pancan.ca (if your interested)
oh and I am drinking this disgusting coffee- throwing it out- waste of 1.60 :(
OH and I bought something pretty- a bench coat- that I shouldn't have bought
but it is beautiful... money I will never get back so it better keep me warm
If this blog seems scattered that's because my mind is scattered. I SHOULD BE SLEEPING! I think trying to get my mind working has made me a little crazy! Procrastination has been wonderful for me... or not.
I NEED SLEEP!
Trying to get stress levels down again.
oh I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SHARE...
this month is pancreatic cancer month... yes it is also prostate cancer month... but pancreatic cancer is a killer- most people don't survive it- not trying to be terrible and take the steam away from prostate but pancreatic cancer is a killer. I lost both grandmothers to it and my boyfriends mother passed away from it too. It is a killer. Even if your family hasn't been directly effected by it think of Steve Jobs, think of Patrick Swayze... they have passed away after fighting pancreatic cancer.
So On NOVEMBER 20th wear purple for pancreatic cancer awareness. ITS PURPLE MONTH. Grow your moustaches and Wear purple this month support both cancer groups.
pancan.ca (if your interested)
oh and I am drinking this disgusting coffee- throwing it out- waste of 1.60 :(
OH and I bought something pretty- a bench coat- that I shouldn't have bought
but it is beautiful... money I will never get back so it better keep me warm
If this blog seems scattered that's because my mind is scattered. I SHOULD BE SLEEPING! I think trying to get my mind working has made me a little crazy! Procrastination has been wonderful for me... or not.
I NEED SLEEP!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Lest We Forget
Dedicated to the men and women who serve and love our country and protect me and those I love. Dedicated to the bravery they demonstrate. Dedicated to a good friend of mine.
HIKING WITH APPRECIATION IN A FIRE ALARM WITH MY MANTRA
I totally am failing at blogging everyday. I just couldn't be bothered to pull out my computer last night.
But Thursday was a phenomenal day for me. Started off with me feeling kinda excluded. People who were my friends not long ago- or who were my friends- I even wrote a really kick ass lesson plan for them in our one class and they really hurt my feelings a week ago today. Brought me back to a really dark place from my past. I don't want to explain it- just know it was a flashback from the darkest place I have been in my life. I have many techniques to get over this now and I needed them last week. Essentially, it was a really shitty thing they did. It was like being back in elementary school and not being allowed to sit with the cool kids. Anyways, Thursday was a day where I struggled with it again. I had a hard time not breaking out in tears at lunch- where I tried being nice and offering veggies to them and not even getting a look. Luckily someone I greatly appreciate had a meeting with a prof so I used that as an excuse to leave too. I went to go read quietly to get my mind off things.
I was eating and reading when two nice people came and joined me. I realized I was hanging out with the wrong group. These people, while a mix of smarter, prettier then me, appreciated me and I appreciated them. And I need to learn to focus on these positive things- and I totally need to. Anyways they joined me and made me realize that if people appreciate me they will come to me. And while I say "realize" trust me I forget it all the time because of my mental history. Anyways- positive, RIGHT?
Anyways I sat with these incredible people in my methods class and then after class the fire alarm went off. We headed outside into the cold (BRR! I HATE THE COLD!) and then we decided to head into the woods for a walk to warm up. We started to hike the trails to keep warm. And it was incredible! I have lived here for 5 years and never done this before; I was so glad to do it and it made me so happy that I can't wait to do it again. I was concentrating on my environment and the people I was with and I have only found one other thing that calms me down so much. Hiking is equivalent to meditating for me now. I LOVE IT! I want to get snow shoes for the winter and go all over the place! IM IN LOVE! with hiking.
Anyways these people made me feel amazing.
Then, at night I went to the local pub with some of my section people and realized holy crap I was so missing out when I was sticking to just a few people- there are some truly awesome people in my section. People who honestly mean the best, people who genuinely care, and people who really don't like self-centered egotistical narcissistic individuals. So a big thank you to the group of lovely people who made me remember my greatest. After all I am great. That's my new mantra, by the way: After all, I am great.
It isn't that I am better then other people (trust me- I might say or joke that but my mind would never let me believe it- in fact saying I am great is actually my coverup for oh my god, i suck) it just I need to be reminded I am important or significant. Especially if I am the one who gets to give you the important emails from the Faculty of education (so be nice to me).
Another thing that has been bugging me lately is that I am struggling with some of the teachers. I feel that they use sarcasm as a bullying method. There are people who are sarcastic and you can tell they never use it as insults but there are others who hide behind this hidden agenda of bullying through smiles and sarcasm and all I can think is: MEAN GIRLS.
Yes. Mean Girls. I feel like I am living in my own MEAN GIRLS. or some other terrible teen drama.
But positive- after all i am great....
sometimes thats harder to say then other times...
I do think there is a great deal of self-discovery still ahead of me this year- and teachers college is full of enough redundant information for me to give myself a great deal of attention- so that is exactly what I am going to do. After all I am great-
Thanks for the appreciation- you know who you are.
But Thursday was a phenomenal day for me. Started off with me feeling kinda excluded. People who were my friends not long ago- or who were my friends- I even wrote a really kick ass lesson plan for them in our one class and they really hurt my feelings a week ago today. Brought me back to a really dark place from my past. I don't want to explain it- just know it was a flashback from the darkest place I have been in my life. I have many techniques to get over this now and I needed them last week. Essentially, it was a really shitty thing they did. It was like being back in elementary school and not being allowed to sit with the cool kids. Anyways, Thursday was a day where I struggled with it again. I had a hard time not breaking out in tears at lunch- where I tried being nice and offering veggies to them and not even getting a look. Luckily someone I greatly appreciate had a meeting with a prof so I used that as an excuse to leave too. I went to go read quietly to get my mind off things.
I was eating and reading when two nice people came and joined me. I realized I was hanging out with the wrong group. These people, while a mix of smarter, prettier then me, appreciated me and I appreciated them. And I need to learn to focus on these positive things- and I totally need to. Anyways they joined me and made me realize that if people appreciate me they will come to me. And while I say "realize" trust me I forget it all the time because of my mental history. Anyways- positive, RIGHT?
Anyways I sat with these incredible people in my methods class and then after class the fire alarm went off. We headed outside into the cold (BRR! I HATE THE COLD!) and then we decided to head into the woods for a walk to warm up. We started to hike the trails to keep warm. And it was incredible! I have lived here for 5 years and never done this before; I was so glad to do it and it made me so happy that I can't wait to do it again. I was concentrating on my environment and the people I was with and I have only found one other thing that calms me down so much. Hiking is equivalent to meditating for me now. I LOVE IT! I want to get snow shoes for the winter and go all over the place! IM IN LOVE! with hiking.
Anyways these people made me feel amazing.
Then, at night I went to the local pub with some of my section people and realized holy crap I was so missing out when I was sticking to just a few people- there are some truly awesome people in my section. People who honestly mean the best, people who genuinely care, and people who really don't like self-centered egotistical narcissistic individuals. So a big thank you to the group of lovely people who made me remember my greatest. After all I am great. That's my new mantra, by the way: After all, I am great.
It isn't that I am better then other people (trust me- I might say or joke that but my mind would never let me believe it- in fact saying I am great is actually my coverup for oh my god, i suck) it just I need to be reminded I am important or significant. Especially if I am the one who gets to give you the important emails from the Faculty of education (so be nice to me).
Another thing that has been bugging me lately is that I am struggling with some of the teachers. I feel that they use sarcasm as a bullying method. There are people who are sarcastic and you can tell they never use it as insults but there are others who hide behind this hidden agenda of bullying through smiles and sarcasm and all I can think is: MEAN GIRLS.
Yes. Mean Girls. I feel like I am living in my own MEAN GIRLS. or some other terrible teen drama.
But positive- after all i am great....
sometimes thats harder to say then other times...
I do think there is a great deal of self-discovery still ahead of me this year- and teachers college is full of enough redundant information for me to give myself a great deal of attention- so that is exactly what I am going to do. After all I am great-
Thanks for the appreciation- you know who you are.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
!!!! ACCOMPLISHMENT !!!!
!!!!So it's kinda late. But that is totally OK. I'm a bit of a night hawk anyways.
Today was a better day, slept in until 11 or so. Can't really complain. I did not like the rain though. Terrible. I was wearing my favourite boots, that I haven't weatherproofed and they are fabric and they became totally soaked. My toes are still cold!
In my teachable class today we got to throw stuffed animals at each other- apparently that taught me something. I enjoy the class, don't get me wrong just can't believe I paid a ton of money to throw a stuffed animal at someone.
Oh but I accomplished things today. Cleaned the bathroom, and raised my credit card limit; to which the lady said- "you know you are approved for even higher credit right?" and I said NO! PLEASE NO! DO NOT FEED MY SHOPPING ADDICTION. And the lady responded to my quiet please don't tell me that by saying that I am good at paying my credit card off and should consider myself a lucky person in terms of my credit score and should appreciate what others don't have.
To which I said I need to leave now and search some of my favourite stores (no I didn't buy anything...for me)
AH!
Oh, and the not buying anything for me is kinda not true. I went to the grocery store today and stocked my fridge and fruit bowl with delicious fruits and veggies. I'm totally trying to get back into my health kick. From January 11th to August I lost 80 lbs. From August to today November I have gain 3 lbs. This is the time to insert sad face for the 3! I know 3 isn't a big deal but I have a long way to go. I have another 50 lbs ahead of myself. And I will do it! Before my next birthday. I swear.
So I am back on my kick. I went to Portugal in august which made eating healthy difficult. And now trying to adjust to the craziness of teachers college kicked my butt. I am to blame I just having been making myself the priority. So I am back to that!
And I just realized a totally cool component to my blog- I am going to hold myself responsible to my weight on this. I wont give you my weight but I will say if I am positive or negative from the day before. Yes I weight myself everyday. Because I have to hold myself accountable; otherwise 3lbs would be 15! EEKS!
OK, so today's motto is accomplishment: Groceries, commitment to health, bathroom cleaning, oh and lots of soup cooking (tried a fellow Student teachers recipe DELICIOUS!).
OK, and writing like this totally a new cool stress relief. Freaking love it.
That's right FREAKING.
I am no professional writer! (yes I like to use ! a lot) !!!!
!!!!
Today was a better day, slept in until 11 or so. Can't really complain. I did not like the rain though. Terrible. I was wearing my favourite boots, that I haven't weatherproofed and they are fabric and they became totally soaked. My toes are still cold!
In my teachable class today we got to throw stuffed animals at each other- apparently that taught me something. I enjoy the class, don't get me wrong just can't believe I paid a ton of money to throw a stuffed animal at someone.
Oh but I accomplished things today. Cleaned the bathroom, and raised my credit card limit; to which the lady said- "you know you are approved for even higher credit right?" and I said NO! PLEASE NO! DO NOT FEED MY SHOPPING ADDICTION. And the lady responded to my quiet please don't tell me that by saying that I am good at paying my credit card off and should consider myself a lucky person in terms of my credit score and should appreciate what others don't have.
To which I said I need to leave now and search some of my favourite stores (no I didn't buy anything...for me)
AH!
Oh, and the not buying anything for me is kinda not true. I went to the grocery store today and stocked my fridge and fruit bowl with delicious fruits and veggies. I'm totally trying to get back into my health kick. From January 11th to August I lost 80 lbs. From August to today November I have gain 3 lbs. This is the time to insert sad face for the 3! I know 3 isn't a big deal but I have a long way to go. I have another 50 lbs ahead of myself. And I will do it! Before my next birthday. I swear.
So I am back on my kick. I went to Portugal in august which made eating healthy difficult. And now trying to adjust to the craziness of teachers college kicked my butt. I am to blame I just having been making myself the priority. So I am back to that!
And I just realized a totally cool component to my blog- I am going to hold myself responsible to my weight on this. I wont give you my weight but I will say if I am positive or negative from the day before. Yes I weight myself everyday. Because I have to hold myself accountable; otherwise 3lbs would be 15! EEKS!
OK, so today's motto is accomplishment: Groceries, commitment to health, bathroom cleaning, oh and lots of soup cooking (tried a fellow Student teachers recipe DELICIOUS!).
OK, and writing like this totally a new cool stress relief. Freaking love it.
That's right FREAKING.
I am no professional writer! (yes I like to use ! a lot) !!!!
!!!!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Outside the Box with a Trickster
What is creativity? This was a huge debate within my section today.
What did some of my colleagues say? Well some felt that it was difficult, some felt that is was not necessary, and some felt that it is something you do in higher order thinker. Something that a few strongly argued on is that creativity is simply "thinking outside the box". I think it is limiting- creative is something I cannot define. My creativity is different then yours and I think how a teacher sees creativity is going to differ.
But, the question the scares me is the value of creativity. I strongly value creativity in my students. I want them to show me what they can do- and I don't want to tell them what they are going to do. I can say write me a story but I don't want to ever read the same story 20 times!
It was ironic however, that with 5 of us being in the Imagination and Creativity we didn't really say anything. Obviously creativity is important. Obviously imagination is something to be desired. But that is my opinion.
I feel like we are having an issue between teachers. Everyone thinks they are right. No one seems to respect each others opinion. I have to respect my colleague. John* doesn't want to highlight creativity and imagination in his science class. Well it is not my job to tell him he is wrong. Because he could be right within science. But within my history class I plan on tackling imagination and creativity. I want to be respected for that too. It is so frustrating that teachers are not respecting each other. We are in this profession for a reason- because we want to be good teachers. However being a good teacher will be different for each of us. And I hope our section can learn to bond and respect each others differences because that is the only way for us to grow as teachers and colleagues.
Anyways, today in my ICE class we had a guest speaker. Who used trickster tales to teach us about assessment in creative classrooms. Well, all I could think of was Supernatural. Dean (Jensen Ackles) is super beautiful. So I was obviously distracted with images of beauty.
And then I ate some Rolo's. delicious.
What did some of my colleagues say? Well some felt that it was difficult, some felt that is was not necessary, and some felt that it is something you do in higher order thinker. Something that a few strongly argued on is that creativity is simply "thinking outside the box". I think it is limiting- creative is something I cannot define. My creativity is different then yours and I think how a teacher sees creativity is going to differ.
But, the question the scares me is the value of creativity. I strongly value creativity in my students. I want them to show me what they can do- and I don't want to tell them what they are going to do. I can say write me a story but I don't want to ever read the same story 20 times!
It was ironic however, that with 5 of us being in the Imagination and Creativity we didn't really say anything. Obviously creativity is important. Obviously imagination is something to be desired. But that is my opinion.
I feel like we are having an issue between teachers. Everyone thinks they are right. No one seems to respect each others opinion. I have to respect my colleague. John* doesn't want to highlight creativity and imagination in his science class. Well it is not my job to tell him he is wrong. Because he could be right within science. But within my history class I plan on tackling imagination and creativity. I want to be respected for that too. It is so frustrating that teachers are not respecting each other. We are in this profession for a reason- because we want to be good teachers. However being a good teacher will be different for each of us. And I hope our section can learn to bond and respect each others differences because that is the only way for us to grow as teachers and colleagues.
Anyways, today in my ICE class we had a guest speaker. Who used trickster tales to teach us about assessment in creative classrooms. Well, all I could think of was Supernatural. Dean (Jensen Ackles) is super beautiful. So I was obviously distracted with images of beauty.
And then I ate some Rolo's. delicious.
Monday, November 7, 2011
A look into Ms. T
Welcome to my virtual world;
I'm Ms. T. I am new to the world of blogging.
Why did I decide to blog? Well, I have a friend in my education program who uses blogger and I admire it. I keep a diary- that I will still keep but I think this is a good next step for me.
What is going to be in my blog? You will get a look into my life. Its not so much what I did today- more like something that came up today. It’s a way for me to rant if need be. It will always be general- no names- in fact you must be able to guess my name is not Ms. T.
So Today you will get a look into Ms. T's life.
As I have hinted at I am in education and looking forward to becoming a teacher.
I have a boyfriend for almost 5 years. We are very much in love (sappy) and we don’t really fight or anything. So while you are hearing he exists now doesn’t mean you will hear much about him. So if you hear about him- its because something significant happened- this is not meant to be an outlet into my romantic life.
My interests include spirituality and teaching. I love students- and special education may be one of my future endeavours. The fact that we (teachers) can encourage others onto a path of the love of learning is a wonderful gift.
And spirituality- I mean I have my religion and I do respect it but I love looking and examining other peoples religion. Yes, I am world religions major. There is nothing I like more then studying others religion and appreciating it. I love to test the norms and stereotypes we attribute to others religions and if you ever want a good debate about the good vs. evil of religions I AM IN! Innately, I believe religion is good; it is the people who use religion that abuse it and change. But, perhaps that is a different day.
I think for today that is it.
Hello, I’m Ms. T. Nice to meet you.
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