I AM NOT BRIDEZILLA!- The Adventures of a Normal Bride against her Single Friends

The day was cold and tiring. This young lady was exhausted from young minds and evalutions. It had come to be the time- where her skills were being put to the test. And after that successful adventure, little did she know, would begin a new one that would occupy her next 18 months. Her groom to be, was taking her to dinner with friends, unknown to her a ruse for, a proposal. And by the lake with christmas lights all a glow he professed his love, and asked the lady to be by his side for a lifetime. She of course said yes. And I am of course that young lady. Almost a year later- and I wish I could go back to that moment and give myself some quick advice- don’t tell anyone today. Especially facebook. And really think before you choose the day. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO WAIT A YEAR AND A HALF? (the answer is no… too bad it took me almost 11 months to learn it). And another big piece of advice- do not have so many bridesmaids- and elope. Well maybe not elope. I love most of my wedding planning- the church, the hall, the cake, the flowers, the dresses…. But I hate being called bridezilla. When the day comes and my single friends get married- I can’t wait for them to feel being in my shoes. So, today I write, and perhaps when all this is over I can really tell them how I feel. So what happened? Well, in university I was blessed to have 3 wonderful room-mates- two of whom I still talk to and one who wishes I was dead- and perhaps would have done so if it was not illegal. Simply, we had an argument about me driving her somewhere, and waiting, that would have taken me out of my way, and about 2 hours longer to get where I was going for a weekend. She took it as a personal assault; blew it out of proporation- and simply made it into “Ever since you got in engaged you have changed”. Really, have i? Or is it the anger you feel towards a man who says he doesn’t believe in marriage and is pressuring you to move in with him, and find a place- even though both of you are unemployed? Perhaps if you took the time to talk to him instead of yell- perhaps you could grasp each others likes and dislikes better. Perhaps. Perhaps, most of all- your anger is indeed justified- that I have changed. Who knows. Well, I know this that I disagree- In January I was most definitely still preoccupied with school and exams like the normal student- my life was just a little more exciting- considering I was planning a future outside of being a student. Perhaps what you felt was jealousy, and I could understand… you have been together for 8 years with a man who doesn’t believe in commitment- but I believe at this point it is you who is crazy. I hope you find happiness- with him or someone else- it does not matter- Just find peace and happiness. I am sad that I lost a friend- someone I dearly cared about- but I’m not sad to loose my unpaid chaufeer job- or someone who felt justified to treat me as garbage because her life wasn’t going her way. And I’m sorry you felt the need to bad mouth me to teachers- because the truth about you came out quickly- and the school was deeply concerned about your bullying- and my being harassed. First friend loss to my engagement. But there are positive things- I have made good friends with a lovely young lady (in the same program as I) who was experiencing the same stage of life. I attended her beautiful lakeside wedding this year- and she was a beautiful bride. Her friendship is one I deeply treasure- her kindness wonderful, and she genuinely understands that friendship takes two people-both making mistakes and both forgiving. Thank you my dear, for helping me and coming into my life when I needed you most. Thank you. But there is something I get still from a lot of girls- and if you are one of them don’t worry I think I get it. I get anger- and hurt- that I left the single girls behind. If you are single- trust me I don’t think any less of you. You are brave, and independent- and if you had asked me about 6 years ago what my plans were for my life right now? I would be teaching in Australia or Northern Canada- not working a dead-end job for almost minimum. I wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t be where I am now. I would be a young woman, who took life into her own hands- and I might be lonely. If you are single, friend, please don’t fret- don’t be lonely- pick up that phone of yours and send me a message- I will answer. While my life is full of finding a house, and finding the baker, and etc, I will always have time to say hello and remind you that I love you. And I really want you to know this- my friends to me, mean so much, I don’t do anything half-assed. I give the people that enter my life my entire heart and soul and mind. And if I seem hurt sometimes its because I gave you all of me. I do this for all of you. I’m not making this up- one of my dear and wonderfully gay giant friends (not giantly gay as that is not quantitative- as in he is taller then god almighty) has told me repeatedly “You care too much”. And it is true. So maybe, when my single friends turn around and call me bridezilla because I threw a party in honour of all you- to thank you for dealing with me- and was upset that 5 of my family memembers (3 bridesmaid cousins, and 2 ushers who were cousins) were not present, and 1 of you (also my family) left early for someone who you just mets party. I was hurt not cause I was a bride being ignored- I was hurt because I was a family member and a friend tossed aside. I would have been there for you. A bridezilla is someone who expects the ultimate from everyone- hair exactly the same- expect, expect, expect. I don’t. I do expect my wedding to be in my taste- and I am very sorry if it is not in yours. And I do expect music played at events for me and my fiance to be reflective of me and my fiance. I’m sorry if it is not in everyone’s taste.- but does that matter? Is it about everyone else or us? You may not understand right now- but one day the focus will be on you- and I will say “don’t you want the focus on you? Shouldn’t it reflect who you are and not everyone else?”. We will see. For now I try not to hurt too many of you. And if I do- I apologize. I didn’t even realize I was a bridezilla. But hubby and I- we discussed- we don’t believe in divorce- if we decide to marry as we have- it’s a life long thing- we ain’t doing this shit again- and I ain’t going through the hassel of divorce. And most importantly we love each other- and just want to share our love with you. Maybe I mis-spoke earlier. I wouldn’t want to cut out bridesmaids- I choose you wonderful ladies for a reason. You ladies are the people I trust and love so much. You are my nearest and dearest gals. I appreciate what you have done for me- and how you have been involved in my life. I appreciate everything. I’m sorry if I have forgotten to say this. I really do hope you don’t believe it is BRIDE VERSU SINGLE GIRLS!!! Because this is no fighting league or nothing. It is a wedding. I know if one of you read this one day- you are going to know exactly the specific person I have talked about- and that is fine- I mean neither of us can deny that conversations happening- you know me being bridezilla and me calling rap crap. (I’m sorry but my heart is truly country music). But, there is a couple of my single friends- that the support and love you have given is just wonderful. You two specifically know who you are. My goodness am I lucky to have you. I keep talking about my single friends- because my friendships with you now seem the hardest. I am not leaving you- I promise you my home and friendship will always be with you. Party, hard, and tell me the fabulous stories. But don’t pressure me to come out when I can’t afford too – or make me feel like I suck because I don’t go out. When you get a mortgage then you can talk to me about it. And stop looking at your single life as being terrible. You are partying every weekend, you go to the gym and yoga and so on- You look great. You have 3000 fun and cool things you do a year. You travel more then flight attendent and you have picked up tons of one night stands (to be proud or to not be proud that is the question). Look, I’m one of those- lifetime commitment, kinda socially akward, rather stay in and read or play video games then pretend to like the 50 people at the bar. You are one of those hangover everday is a party, party like a rockstar, 24/7, do whatever you want whenever you want sort of people. That is cool. I love our differences- and while I could never do a one night stand- hearing about your experiences over wine while staying in on a girls night makes me giggle and remind me why I love you and why I love hearing your awesome stories. I’m not judging you for it- I kinda think you got balls- WHO’s GOT BIG BALLS? I know sound like an angry teen right now- BLAME THE WORLD! But, seriously BRIDES should get what they want. I’m not saying tell your bridesmaids they have to get their hair and makeup done professionally and all the same way. I mean- music and theme should reflect them (and the Mister), the dresses for the bridesmaid shouldn’t blow the brides dress out of the picture. And seriously for once- its not about how much you can party- it really is about how much we love each other. Here is the other thing- and I get this a lot. YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE GETTING MARRIED. Excuse me, I believe I am too old to be living with my parents should have been what you said there. I have two university degrees under my belt, and I am working full time- why the hell shouldn’t I get married to man I have loved for almost 6 years? Hmmm- because of my age? Well I am not that young- and he isn’t getting any younger. I do thing that has to do with the fact- that mostly older ladies then I are saying it. Please don’t be jealous- I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting married at 20, 23, 30, 40, 50 or whenever you feel the need to give someone your lifelong commitment. And finally, to everyone woman out there who things they should share this with a bride- from this bride I give you the response that all brides want to give you when you ask that dumb ass question. I really do not give a rats ass if during my wedding you will have a visit from your aunt flow- excuse me am I supposed to be getting laid on my wedding night or are you? Thank you. To some of you this may anger you- to others you will get it. And some of you will be like OMG get over yourself. I may be bridezilla- I may not. But I am not changing my wedding for someone else (IT IS My and my Misters wedding day- that is it). If I change something for you- will change something for me in yours (unlikely). Are bridezillas overexaggerated?